I was talking to a friend
one evening and she shared how she dealt with her resentments. I remember
going home happy because I didn’t think I had a resentment problem. I was
wrong.
That night my computer wasn’t working properly,
I quickly realized that my hard drive was full. To free up space, I used
the computer’s uninstall wizard to get rid of unwanted programs. My
computer ran much better.
Then it hit me: my brain was full of
resentments, and it wasn’t working properly. Years of resentments had
clogged my brain and affected my serenity and happiness.
Computer programs have branches that reach into
the deepest part of the computer. It’s easy to find and delete a single
computer program, but it is almost impossible to find and delete all of the
interconnecting programs.
Resentments are very similar to unwanted
computer programs. I had accumulated more than 45 years of
resentments. My brain has billions of interconnections to my resentments,
and I cannot begin to understand how to delete all of them.
My computer’s uninstall wizard uses four steps
that simplify finding and deleting unwanted programs and their
connections. In the first steps, I search the hard drive to identify any
unwanted programs. I then discuss with a systems administrator the exact
nature of the unwanted program to determine if it should be removed. The
wizard then asks if I am entirely ready to delete the program. By
selecting the finish button, I ask my computer to remove the unwanted program
and the process of seeking out and eliminating the unwanted program and all of
its connections begins.
I needed an uninstall wizard for my
resentments. I found one with Steps Four, Five, Six, and Seven.
These Steps, used with other program tools, help eliminate and prevent
resentments.
With Step Four, I take a fearless and searching
moral inventory. I can identify and list resentments that were not
previously visible. It allows me to see my part in my resentments.
I take the Fifth Step to verify, validate, and
sort out the exact nature of my resentments by sharing with myself or another
person. In the Sixth Step I realize what character defects are not good
for me. Once I realize that resentments make me angry, obsessive, and
only hurt me, I am entirely ready to remove them.
The Seventh Step is the finish button that
allows my Higher Power to do His job. I humbly ask Him to remove my
resentments. This request starts a process where my Higher Power finds
and eliminates the remainders of my resentments. After taking the Seventh
Step, I need to be patient. My computer works in near real time, but the
Seventh Step works on God’s time. Computers are attacked daily by
viruses and spy ware. Antivirus programs protect the computer by constantly
taking inventories. When a malicious program is found, the software
promptly deletes it.
I am attacked by everyday life events. I
have trigger points that can instantly reinstate my resentments. The
Tenth Step maintains and protects my serenity. I use it to prevent new
and old resentments from developing by continuing to take my inventory and
promptly admitting when I am wrong.
Firewalls protect computers from destructive
viruses and unauthorized users. How can I prevent resentments? I’ve
learned that by setting boundaries and detaching with love, most of my
resentments can be avoided.
By John D., Maryland April, 2008
Reprinted with permission of The Forum
Al-Anon Family Groups Incorporated, Virginia
Beach, VA
wisdom collected on the journey, with love from Lea